Wednesday, August 27, 2008

It's My Voice--My Voice Cries Out Obscenity

Good news from the urinary tract!!

My pee looks like pee again!

I am aware that this probably isn't "blog-worthy" for most (normal) people.
But, after a day of pissing blood, this is not only blog-worthy, but it is cause for celebration.

I should point out that all 3 of the meds that I was prescribed cause dizziness, or drowsiness,
so I am not really "of sound mind".

In fact, I am feeling pretty out of it.

What was I just talking about?

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Like a Workhorse Stands for Miles--Work for You and Never Get Tired

I woke up this AM with a pain in my side, it felt like a cramp.
After I had been awake for about 20 minutes, it was hurting more, and more.
Then, the pain sort of spiked, and I puked (it was awesome---just like at the ' Maiden show, bro!)

And THEN, I peed...and it looked like red wine, which would be OK, if I was our Lord and Savior, which I am not (or AM I?)

So, yeah, bloody pee, pain in my side, I must be dying.
We went to the hospital (it was FUN) and we were the only people in the Emergency Room (the "ER")
in spite of all the cars in the "PL" .

I hadn't even finished filling in the paperwork, and they were calling me into the Triage Unit. (the TU)

I had blood drawn, and then was given a shot of some painkiller, and an anti-nausea agent.
They did a CT Scan, and was told I have a kidney stone (jealous?)
Anyhow, I am about to go fetch my prescriptions, (vicodin, reglan {anti-nausea drug}, and fucking Flomax!!--the prostate shrinker upper--it supposedly helps with stones)

All in all, I would give the day 2 middle fingers, way up!!

Actually though, for a hospital, it was not bad. I was in and out in less than 2 hours,
and didn't see anyone else's bodily fluids.

So, I am about to experience the miracle of childbirth, sort of.

This is totally going to suck.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Disciples --Come Join With Me--to Save a Failed Humanity

Well, thank the World's one God that the Olympic Games are over.

That was the best Olympic Games in 4 years. It will probably be at least another 4 years before
any new Olympic athletes captivate America with their smiles, and stories.

How heartwarming they all are!

It is the same shit....every time.
"Athlete 'A' was just an alternate...he hadn't made the team,
but someone broke a coccyx, and he got his chance...blah blah blah"

Or even worse: " This guy has come to the Olympics to break every record, blah blah blah"

And until then, Michael "Phuckin'" Phelps' goofball mug is going to be selling everything.

He is a swimmer, man.

A swimmer.

I could understand if Swimming was a more popular spectator sport in America...

Shit, even Bowling used to be on prime time television. NASCAR is huge...
It seems to me as though the Olympics is the only forum (Baywatch re-runs notwithstanding) that swimmers have anymore.

And, OK, admittedly, to show up, claiming to be the Man,
and then proving that you ARE the Man, is cool... and maybe I will buy Gatorade Ocean Flavored Sweatdrink, or Powerbars, with added beefy Protein-surge technology because the Phelps told me to.
I might even get my auto parts at Pepboys, at the Phelps' behest, instead of Autozone, who was only willing to pay a sub-par swimmer to be their spokesman.

But, personally, as a guy (who is very comfy with his raging heterosexuality) I would have rather painted my balls, and swum (swimmed? swam? swammed?) naked before I wore that girly suit.

I'm just sayin'

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Outcast With Dogmas Forged Below--Seared and Beaten Banished from Where I was Born


I had a birthday a few days ago. It was nice.


I am now officially too old to be signed to a long-term sports contract.

I would maybe get a 3 year deal, max.

I could really rant here about our new goddamn medical insurance billing issues,
but I don't want to open that can of horrid beans again.

Yes, I do.

We signed up with a new insurance plan, on June 28th. We paid them (well, they took their money) on July 7th. Then, they took more money on July 30th.
And then they took more money today.

So, I call them, to find out WTF... Why have I paid $935.83 for something that is supposed to cost $311 a month, and I only signed up a month and a half ago...

and get it all broken down for me, as I am an imbecile, evidently.

The money that they took today, covers us until September 19. (OK)
The money that they took on the 30th of July was to cover July 18 until August 18 (OK, yes,)
The money that they took on July 7th, covered us between June 18, and July 18 (No---wait)

I said "Why do I have to pay for that time, I wasn't a member yet--I don't think that is right"

So, then, the tables turned, as I tried to 'splain to her that I signed up on the 28th of June, and surely shouldn't have to pay for the period before I was insured...and how can they charge people for retroactive health-care??

I could FEEL her blank stare through the phone.

In fact, I wrote a haiku about it:

Stupid fucking bitch
Hoping I will stop yelling
Not saying a word

Or this one:

I felt cheated and
Continue to feel cheated
By Assurant Health

I was SO inspired, that I even wrote a limerick:

There once was a man from Nantucket
My fucking medical insurance company sucks
I yelled on the phone, and didn't feel better
I am not good at writing limericks.

Yes, I know that wasn't very good, but, limericks aren't really very good to begin with.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Across Infernal Wastelands--Many Miles of Sunburnt Hell


I got all that nightmarish dental work done. It sucked.
It actually wasn't all that much work, a root canal, and 2 extractions... but it was enough.

We have been busy...billing motherf- erm... clients like mad.

It is too hot to do anything else.

"Outside" is a word that gets you a funny look here, this time of year. As in : "you want me to go outside?"

Blah blah blah Brett Favre ...


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