Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Over Time -- Mistakes Were Few but I Believe They're Mine


I "passed" my kidney stone. "Passed" can mean a lot of different things. In this case, it meant a series of agonizing urinations, culminating in a painful finale.

By that same token, "Stone" also has many meanings. In this case, it is more like an arrowhead.
Or a thorny, sharpened Conch shell, with little razors all over it, carrying scissors.

Now, we are going to go backstage, and interview "The Stone":

Q: So, that was some tour, huh?
A: Yeah. Whew. I thought I had gotten lost in there, man. I was just hangin' out, getting ready to
attach myself to something, forever, ya know?

Q: It felt like you were burning something in there. What was that?
A: Oh, sorry, Bro, It was pretty dark, and I had to light my Zippo a few times, so I could see.

Q: What did you need to see?
A: Well, I carved my name a few times, and wanted to make sure it looked OK.

Q: So that is where the blood came from.
A: Yep. Well, mostly. I had a few stapling projects to do in there.

Q: Ok, well, that hurt.
A: ... (lights cigar)

Q: No, I mean it REALLY hurt.
A: You know, you are starting to sound like a little bitch (making crying noises) Wah wah wah..it hurt..it hurt. Get over it, already.

Q: I am beginning to see why you have such a bad reputation.
A: Hey, that's just how I roll, son.

Q: Can we expect any future tours?
A: Well, not from me. I am out of the business. But I do have a few brothers, and some cousins who might step up, at some point.

Q: Why do you do it? I mean, what is the purpose?
A: Haters gotta hate, lovers gotta love, you know what I'm sayin'?

Q: No.
A: Whatever. Fuck you, man.

Q: You are quite hostile
A: Aw, man, this interview is over. No more questions.

And, with that, he ran across the street, turned around and gave me the finger, and then was gone.


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