I'll be the First--to Watch Your Funeral---And I'll Be the Last to Leave

And that is that ...I am breaking up with Absolute poker tonight...just like HSBC.
I might as well make a clean break of things.
In theory, my computer should run quicker once I get this big , bulky program out of there.


I am playing one last freeroll.

I found some ask a question site where somebody asked how can I get more play money on Absolute, I am going to offer my 3.7 million.

Have been listening to this guy...




Lost tournament. I had AK , went all in raised $3,900 ...One guy called with 4 7 offsuit, (WHY?)
flop was K74....turn Q river J.
What the motherfuck.
Fuck you Absolutepoker.com

And the horse you rode in on.

You Walk Through the Subway --My Eyes Burn a Hole in Your Back

Superfun morning---started with a nice, long phone call with HSBC.

We got a statement that our account had -.58 and would be suspended. Which is fine, because it is our old account from Buffalo. HSBC is not an option here, so, no surprise that we haven't used it.
I was trying to close the account, and the only way I could talk to a person was to open a new account.

You have to admire the balls...for support on existing accounts, you wait ... and wait.
New account? They pop right up...friendly, happy to help. Eager to take the call.

Anyhow, after explaining to the guy that we were not dissatisfied, the only problem is the nearest branch is in Miami, and that just won't work from Central Tejas...

His first response is that I should go into my local branch, and I could cancel the account there.

Yes, well Ok, No. um see... that is too far to go to bother with so...can we just break up now?

HSBC...you will find someone to take my place someday...you don't want to get mixed up with a guy like me...but I really learned a lot being with you, and I will never forget the time we spent.
Its not you---its me.

I promised myself I wouldn't cry.

On the plus side...I now have 2 big projects to do... with a third looming.

BTW...HSBC, I have been banking with someone else for over 6 months now...
Loose my phone number...It is time to move on.

Raining Blood---From a Lacerated Sky

Last night we stayed up far too late for a "school night" watching Mel Gibson's tour de force
"Apocaliptica". Not really sure why.

It had more holes than swiss cheese, but I guess that is always the case with movies.

I found out this morning that Liberace (yes, the Liberace) was the piano player at the Park Lane.
I never would have thought I worked in the same building as ol' Lee.

I am reading the biography of Peter Gust (Your Host, Peter Gust) who was the guy who made the Park Lane the special place that is was...long before people like Me screwed it all up.
It depicts a VERY different city of Buffalo than I experienced.
Only the place names are familiar.
The customs, optimism and class had all been long pounded out o' Bflo by the time I arrived.


During my first tour of duty at the Park Lane, there was an old, yellowed piece of paper near the back door that read:

Say Goodnight to Peter Gust.


And I did, every night I worked there. I had NO idea who he was...but saying "goodnight, Peter Gust" never seemed like a lot to axe, so every time I went out that door I said it.
Even if it was just a quick smoke break, of which we took gazillions. We probably smoked more dope than Bob Marley there... good times.

I wonder how much Liberace smoked we he worked there...

If people only knew what their chef was just doing.

You Scratch my Back---And I'll Claw your Eyes Out

And so Wednesday ends with a ...er whats that?? It is only TUESDAY?!

OK, Tuesday ends with a series of smallish mishaps that I can't figure out, and now feel dumb.

A parade of my inadequacy.

We are going to the grocery store...which isn't a big deal because we are buying shit from the fruit and veg ghost town...and avoiding the carnival atmosphere of the meats and cheese aisle...not to mention the party in the cookie/chip aisle and the clusterfuck that is the Dairy dept.

Oddly enough, the soap/paper stuff and personal hygiene departments are also usually devoid of human life.

I shudder to think...

Pass the Salt ---Pour it in My Wounds

I have to note this...

I have not cut my hair or beard since I started working at home ( Thanks, Ros!!) and this morning I washed them both ( I usually do at night). The beard looks like it always does,
beardy,

But my hair...

It is a magnificent coiffure a la Michael Landon. Swooping dramatically, and feathering you couldn't get in ANY salon (even in Johannesburg). It looks like a hair style from a late 70's show, only grayer. Like a feathery wingy gray helmet...with shine, and body.



All of this without the use of comb, or anything for that matter. Just lucky, I guess.

I am truly to be ridiculed.

And Ros is. The other day she said I looked like the singer, Kenny.

I said " Loggins??" incredulously.

"Rogers" she replied.


Shit.

I need a shave.

I'm Travelin' Down the Road---I'm Flirtin' with Disaster

So, tonight should be my last night playing poker at (on?) Absolute Poker.

I can't say that I will miss it. I was so close to getting the $10 million dollar hall of fame at one point,but then lost interest in pretend money games. I still have a few million in play money...maybe I will dump it off to someone. But as of now, I am so utterly disgusted with the site, and it's lousy players that I can hardly stomach having their software on my computer.


I am not sure where I will play next...tons to choose from.

In the last 2 days, I have had 4 of a kind beaten by a straight flush (3 royal) SEVEN TIMES!!!
5 of them after hitting quads on the flop, and my opponent drawing out.

Has obviously cost me a bunch.


The last time my money was low, I went on such a hot streak, I couldn't lose if I tried.
I actually hope that doesn't happen this time.

Unless...

Branded a Jonah with Fevered Blood--Ungodly Freak--Defiler

Ok...WTF is wrong with people?!?!!

Started off day with a call (well, 5 calls) from some stupid bitch who "couldn't understand the voice message", then got dumber the longer poor Ros spoke with her...

Dumb bitch: "I want to return this...I thought it was free" (yes, that is why you gave your credit card information on the order page. I frequently give my credit card info out for services I think are free)
Ros : " Ok, Send it to this address..." (repeats address 4 times to her royal dumbness)

Dumb Bitch: "Well, I also want to tell you, I think this book is tacky--it doesn't even have a table of contents"
Ros : "Um, I will pass along your comments"

Dumb Bitch: "Will I be charged?" (I thought you thought it was free?)
Ros: "Not if book is in good condition"

D.B.: "Define good condition"
Ros: "Able to be re-sold"

D. B.: "Well, it won't be, I have highlighted the first 4 chapters" (thought it was tacky--seems like you meant to keep it by highlighting shit)

Ros: "..."

D.B.: "I had to highlight it to keep my place" ( no comment)

and that's just the top of it.


It is going to be nice and warm today, though. 85 degrees (thats 28 degrees to you non-Fahrenheit speakers)

Today is wavering between a "whatever" and a "Godammit" so far...

and it is still early.

I am Here to Liquidate---Time to Raise the Flag of Hate

Sunday night...where did this weekend go?

I am tired of these painkillers. They make me feel like everything requires thought...even automatic stuff, like peeing, or walking.

Have been getting royally screwed at the poker tables, to the point where I am just going to play out the money I have at Absolute... and find a new site.

I won't bore me with the details, but after Saturday all I can say is E-fucking-nough.

Absolute Poker has something called a "Bad Beat Jackpot"...where people in certain games can win big money if they get fucked out of a hand ( 4 of a kind as a losing hand)..
the site has given away MILLIONS o' dollars for the fuck story hands...
In retrospect, that should have been a red flag ( a BIG, BRIGHT one) that the site had some sort of bullshit attached to it.

Anyhow, enough poker bitching.

Ros painted our old blue desk white this weekend...it looks much better.

Gearing up for another super-fun week.
At least it is 'pay-week'

And tomorrow marks 2 weeks since we ate meat, or anything canned or processed.
Tonight I am really craving "bad" food ( Bacon- double-cheesburger, cheese fries, and a strawberry slush from Sonic.) but I am thinking that If I tried to eat that, the grease, and shit will just make me feel sick.

Bad food is like Karma...it really sucks when you learn about it. Do you remember the day you learned the concept of Karma? Ruined everything, didn't it?

Hmpf...I'm going to the garage.

You Know Your Man is Workin' Hard---He's Worth a Deuce

So...

Even after all these years, I STILL don't know what they meant in that song...Worth a Deuce?
Seems like workin' hard should be worth more...

I can't seem to get motivated to finish today... I don't know if it is the meds, the herbs, or just my chronic laziness (maybe one from column A, one from column B + soup and egg roll)

With Your Hands on Your Head--Or on the Trigger of your Gun

Friday,

Won a bunch playing poker last night.
Surprising, because the pills I am taking for my toofache are very strong, but not surprising because these young guys watch a little poker on ESPN, and think they are legends.

Then they CRY when you beat them, and resort to namecalling.
It is so cute.

I am hoping to finish this (boring) project today, but I know I won't.

Mailing a letter to my father today...hope it is well received.
Poor Ros is waiting for Pamprin to kick in, while I am waiting for my pain pill to kick in.

Come on pills...do your stuff.

Over Time, Mistakes were Few-- But I Believe They're Mine

Went to bed the other night with a slight toothache...

Woke up to a swollen face, and mucho pain..
Called the Dentist from the Chamber of Commerce map we have hanging in the garage at 9:30.
Was given a slot to see dentist at 10:30 ...
Was home (with meds) by 11:30.

Small towns rule.

And then this morning, I took my pills, without food ( Idiot!!) and after about 30 minutes, had to go dry heave in the bathroom until I was a big sweating sweatball.
I looked like an athlete...except for the gut.

I sure will be happy when my adult teeth come in.


Also, on my way home from drugstore, I was turning left as some lady was turning right...
she was so mesmerized by my beard, or tattoos, or maybe the pimpin' whip, that she crashed right up onto the curb, and bottomed out.
She looked like she was pulling off a nice frontside railslide ( Tony Hawk!)
I drove on past her, giving her my patented "You are a complete moron" look (developed and perfected in Buffalo, NY) and she had the absolute nerve to give ME the finger.
I was too busy laughing my balls off to respond, and I watched her struggle to free herself from the curb in my rearview mirror.
She is lucky...had she pulled some shit like that on me before I was married, I would have stopped, gone back, and really had a nifty confrontation. I have had some epic road/ street fights, and, frankly I don't take that type of shit from people. Ever.
Toothaches, and road battles..Ahhh, good times.

Every Night I See Through Eyes---Of A Different Lunatic

Lost a few bucks over the weekend.
It was like the poker site was conspiring against me. Every possible fuck-story of a hand happened, and after about an hour, I quit in disgust.

I was tempted to keep playing, force the game, but didn't.

Today was the start of Week 2 of our little food-detox experiment.
We last ate meat last Sunday...Ros ate Chef Boyar(gag)dee Spaghetti and Meatballs, but there is no meat in them, so one week.

Feels pretty good. Nice to not have that bloaty, bacon-double-cheeseburger feeling.
Plus, you feel like if you just had a big plate of vegetables for dinner,you have Earned these cookies, so treats become (even more) guilt free.

For President's Day, Ros and I dressed up in our Presidential pajamas, and watched a whole heap of crappy TV.
It was ideal.

I'm The Pampered Degenerate---I Indulge My Inclinations.

The profitable night continues...I am currently playing in a 2 table tournament... 4 players left,

Check that...3 players left...So I am going to finish this game, and go to bed, but I will be over $40 up...

I know it isn't a lot of money, but it is very cool when your hobby can turn a profit for you.
I would (and have played for nothing)

Ok, I took 2nd place, good for another $10.80.

So, tonight I made $53.20.

Fuck, yeah!





Wow.
Meshuggah is so damn cool.

You're Probably Right---This Time- But I Don't Wanna Listen

Yes!!!...time for another giddy "I just won some money" post.

$10 buy in tournament....I finished in 2nd place, good for $27.

Now the rest of my poker night feels like it is free.

Even more so...just won another $8.40.

2 for 2 tonight.

Nice night...I am going to garage, to celebrate for twenty minutes or so...

While the Rest o' Them Dudes Were A-Gettin' Their Kicks

Up way too early for a Saturday.

We stayed up until about 3:00 AM watching all of the "The Amazing Race" (go Hippies!) episodes that Ros recorded.

We would SO rock that competition...except for the whole " I am shit-scared to fly" issue. I can fly...with lots of "help" but wouldn't be able to do other things, like move, if I had to take that much "help".

It isn't really fair to call it fear of flying...it is fear of crashing.


Started this post---and then realized that my submission to kissthisguy.com had been posted.

Whilst I was at kissthisguy I had to submit another lyric...Mississippi Queen, by Mountain.

I always thought he said:
"Bought a bag of pot and we were getting high"

But, evidently it is really:
"Boy, I Beg your Pardon, I was getting mine"

Boy, is my face red.

Unknown Man---Speaks to the World

So, seeing this on Shawn's portfolio site made me feel nice.
I got that tattoo in November of 1992, shit.



I need a new tattoo.

They pink eye veins have faded a little, but it still looks the same.

Last Time---I Swore it Was the Last Time

Friday...our e-mail seems to be down...some routine maintenance on our server, but it isn't supposed to be happening until tonight at midnight.

I just read on BBCnews that there have been 4 shooting incidents at U.S. schools this WEEK.

Not cool.
Having grown up in Kent, Ohio, I feel bad not just for the victims, but those towns and schools will carry a "black mark" on them for years, maybe forever.
After the KSU shootings, my father (who was an english prof.) began a lifelong affair with depression, anxiety, and a general malaise towards life. I was born that year, so I don't remember him "before" but I know he was a "joiner" in earlier life. Not in my lifetime though.

Drag.



This is why I can't/don't watch the News.
"It is good to be an ostrich sometimes" said my wife.
As usual, she is right.

Was Told That I Could Fly--When Least Expected

So... my Mom told me today that the people who bought the old house have sent photos of some of the changes they have made to the landscaping, et c.

For the first time since they sold it, I feel a surprising sense of "what the fuck? they are changing stuff?"

Odd, because I do NOT miss Buffalo (or it's lovely people, and weather) one iota.
But...that is our house...

When we left Bflo this last time, I was more than ready to leave it (Get thee behind me, Satan)
and have no intention of ever returning, which is why I am shocked at my sense of propriety.

I am tempted to send them pictures of us in shorts in February.
Nah...that'd be too easy.

I'm going the the garage.

The Sky and the Earth are Now Tainted With Blood

Valentine's Day...

Finding it difficult to focus on work today. Every possible distraction (even potential distractions) are pulling my head away from---OOH That is Shiny!!! ....See?

Hopefully we will call it a day early, and---NOPE!! Baas R. has a list o' shit with my name on it.
Drag.











Placed 3rd in a poker tourney last night. Cha-ching!

Withered Rope You Hang What's Empty---

Can't Remain to Put it Simply...

Actually, not nearly as dreary a day as the title would indicate. Bright, sunny, and our tree has it's first little green leaves of the spring.

Played poker for about 4 hours last night, won first tournament, then lost several.
Was down a bunch, then I played at a sit and go table. Doubled my money, and ended the night up a few bucks...( RockandRalph, thanks. You are a lousy bluffer. Listen to Kenny Rogers' song. Because you don't seem to know when to fold 'em.)

I hope to play against him again, lots.

Found the Skinny Puppy "Remix Dystemper" album online last night.
And "Kiss It Goodbye"(she loves me not)
I hadn't heard either one in about 10 years (you are old, too)
so that was an odd walk down musical memory lane.


I am way too busy to be blogging ...

Believe in Me---'Cause I Damn Sure Don't Believe in You

Today is professionally cloudy---big leagues.
We went to the grocery store last night after deciding to make a serious, conscious effort to eat healthier foods ( always feel that way after our weekend of drive-thru crap)...
Anyhow, we went, and bought tons of fruit and veg, and no meat for the week.
It looked like Swedish people's food.
The check-out girl even said to Ros "wow, you guys eat really healthy".
She was clearly not seeing my "dickdoo" ( when your stomach sticks out further'n your ....)
So I am hungry.

I am also on the verge of wanting to quit smoking cigs. I haven't had one yet today, because last night, I felt like I had ass-mar. I couldn't get a full breath. Kind of scary. Must've been all that lettuce.
I just wish I didn't look so goddamn cool when I smoke, that would certainly make it easier to quit.

Overture Of the Long Black Night Begins....

Monday.
Gloomy day.
We didn't really do anything this weekend.
I lost a few bucks playing poker. No giddy "I won a couple lousy bucks" post today.

Monday...

I Been To The Edge---an' There I Stood an' Looked Down

Ahh Friday. When I was a cook, I dreaded you. Now I see why people like you.

Trying to get my ass in gear and do some work, but ass is stuck in 'N'.

Tomorrow we are taking Jack to the vet. He is going to want to break up with us. Then a fun trip to Hobby Lobby. I will behave, though, and not be jerky and impatient. Ros has been very patient with me, so...

After that we are going to Taylor to look at some of the Junk shops.

Shit, so I am taking my cat to the vet, going to a yarn store, and then antiquing.
When did I become an old woman?
It is weird (but nice weird) to be married.

You Never Walk---You Never Run...

I just won another $7.20 from a $1 buy in. I came in first place.
Veni Vidi mothafuckin' Vici.

yippee.


It appears that I didn't set the time correctly on this blog.
it is 1:04 AM right now. Time for one last celebratory garaging, a nice victory baff, and a fitful night's sleep.

Winning> Losing.
I earned this video.

But Thats the Way I Like it Baby---I Don't Want to Live Forever

Right now...as we speak, well, as I type, I am in a $6 poker tournament. I am guaranteed to win something because there are only 3 of us left.


and that is that...I finished in 2nd place...I won $16.20!!!

super.


Ahh, winning. And I have this heightened sense of self importance by doing this blog. I am going to the garage, to celebrate.

I rule, in a small way.

I'm in the Mood---the Rhythm is Right

----Official Declaration of War------

I am waging a one-man-war against Billy Mays. I could handle the Hercules Hook, and Orange Glo and even OxiClean...but I have to draw the line at Mighty Putty. His ads make me feel like I am a boy being scolded. Furthermore, I don't want to buy his Dollar Store Widget-y crap.
What is the point of a one-man-war? you might be axskin... well you have to start somewhere. Journey of 1,000 miles...and all that. Bearing in mind that I live in Texas, and imagine if he lived in my town I would have heard about it, so my only real recourse is to change the channel,or mute him aggressively, and then bitch about how offensive his sales pitch is to my wife.

But Billy Mays, like Celine Dion's heart, will go on. Damn you Billy Mays.

Now I need to go to the garage.

I See the World Through Bloodshot Eyes

OK... I am going to rant for a moment.
Have you seen the new (totally stupid) commercial for Welch's grape juice??
I have, and it really irritates me.
There is a little girl sitting in her bed with the sheets pulled over her head. Her "Dad" (looks more like her "Uncle Mike") comes in and asks her why she is being such a pussy. She replies that she thinks something is in her closet...(nah--too easy) and the shot shows about 20 glasses of grape juice on the floor. The girl than says ( in her best 'contrived cute' voice) "Don't worry daddy, the anti-oxidants will protect me". UGH!!
There is more to that ad...but every time I have seen it, I am too busy reacting to take it all in.

And another thing....Maybe I want those Unused Icons on my desktop Mr. Clean-up Wizard. Have you ever thought about that? No---you anal retentive program. You just think about yourself, and how my desktop is the messiest thing ever, and now I know that bothers you, so I have ammunition in this fight now. HA

I might be losing "it"

Now I have to go to the garage. I was "saving" it for later, but now I am all annoyed.
Well, not really, but why take a chance?

If you are sensing a theme, you are perceptive.

Ain't Good For Nothin'--But Put a Man 6 Feet in a Hole

After signing up for this blog (head full of stories, ideas, jokey jokes etc.) and sitting for 10 minutes with a snazzy case of writer's block, I've decided to just jump in...

...after jumping in and realizing I still have zee block, I've decided to go down to the garage for four minutes and twenty seconds. Poppies will make them sleep.

What were we just talking about?

After going to the garage, I still have writer's block, but it is a whole lot funnier now. I knew it wouldn't help. I might be primed to embrace someone else's creativity, but hardly the guy to be changing any lives. Or even opening eyes. Maybe I can change eyes? Nevermind.

We are both (seriously) wasting our time here. I am trying to spare my wife the agony of listening to me spout on about what a dick that guy is..or what a great band Slayer is...or whatever. I have a " filter", but you would never think so.
I am still going to spout, only now I will have a point of reference to see where my head takes me,which is usually to a place where really bad music is playing--I am sure to discuss bad songs ad nauseum. Each post will be some song lyric that is going through my head at the time of posting.
That is the purpose of this blog.To see all the stuff that is where algebra should be.